De-Numbing

I am downloading the Weeds album from i-Tunes, it is part of the birthday extravaganza that I have planned for Greg, which includes a weekend away at a luxury eco-tourism resort, a beautiful Abelard business shirt, a pair of black cuff links and the afore mentioned album. I always like to pile it on for birthdays, due to Greg’s inability to take unless he is offered exactly what he wants, I expect most of it will be returned, except the weekend and the album. I have learnt by now to always pick a few things he can’t take back just to teach him humility. As a result of the Internet connection I am sitting at the door way, like a little guard. How I have changed, no more rain dances or having to clean my room or do the chores or waiting for the right moment, writing has become like everything else, just doing and no drama. I had a mental health day today, work has been numbing lately and I needed a day to wander. I went into the city to do chores but I decided on the bus ride in that I was just going to be OK and relax into everything today, it’s amazing what just making that decision can do for you. I went to my usual haunt the book store where I poked around for a couple of hours, building up stacks of books next to me as I decided what to buy.

As I have started writing a book about engaging with modern art, I had a look at the art history section. After a pile of about six books, I decided on Mathew Collings ‘This is Modern Art’. He seemed to be writing in something of a no bullshit and confront the questions style about art, since I am going to be doing the same, I thought I better check it out. The first chapter enticingly called, ‘Kicking Arse’ has me lost and I realize I am reading the writing of someone who is cool and knows all the cool hang outs and terms, I see a ray of hope for my book, which is Mathew Collings meets Elizabeth Gilbert, not that I am keen to have my writing held up against either. The first chapter that I wrote of my book was brilliant it related to a real human being finding her way through the art world but she seems to have disappeared in the most recent chapter, afraid that her voice was not good enough, a strange objective and distant voice has taken over, I am going to think about it all on the weekend and rewrite it. I keep randomly fighting off the thought of whether I actually have any talent, and have to keep telling myself that is not my problem right now, the only pressing concern I have is to write, and write I must.

Off now to tie up all the lose ends before escaping, I hope the weekend can get the circulation of my life running again. I feel like I have been on a train this week expecting that every time it stopped was my stop and realizing it's not, strange week. Met up with my friend Berti who I haven’t seen for nearly 3 years she has been working on the cruise ships as a shopping guide, which sounded like a completely parallel universe, where the average age as Berti says it is deceased and the main focus is to get the oldies to spend as much money as possible. It was funny to hear Berti using terms like seafarers and going out to sea and coming into land. It was great to see her, Berti is like a favourite black dress that always look elegant yet sexy and makes you feel fantastic, she going off to Italy soon, to be - believe it not with a man called Fabio.